I didn’t even want to function today to be honest. I’ve been so depressed… like driving along at 80 mph wanting to have a head on collision with the next passing semi - depressed. Didn’t want to hang out with my couple friends last night but decided to, because you know, that apparently helps depression. Got so drunk last night, had a horrible hangover this morning. Though I felt much better when I was drunk, now that I am sober I am just miserable again. But it was a great time. We woke up, went back and sat at the pool for a few hours while I felt like crap, got some much needed sun which helps depression as well… cried in my car on the way home, cried myself to sleep. 5 hour nap mid-day. Woke up, forced myself to go on a walk which also “helps depression” and though all of this has helped me not just feel as horrible, I am still depressed. And it sucks. All I want is affection.